So its been a few days now since dad asked my mum for a divorce. Well when I say ‘ask’ what I really mean is told my mum this is what is happening.
Monday my sister spent all day with her and travelled through the various emotions with her. Fear, anger, upset, anger, more fear, confusion etc. You see my mum for all her faults (of which there are many) is so scared of the unknown, so much so that it has pretty much stunted her life. She had me at aged 16 and has never been alone. Literally has never been alone. She had me and my real father, when he left it was just us. Not long after she met my stepdad (Dad) and a few years later they had my sister. When we flew the nest, dad was still with her and then her grandsons came along.
Now she faces the prospect of leaving the only home she has known for the past 34 years to live in a 1 or 2 bed flat or small house on her own. Understandably she is fighting my dad at every turn and coming up with ridiculous scenarios/solutions where she can stay there. Like becoming my dad’s live in house keeper, when one of the reasons my dad wants out is that she no longer looks after the house she currently has. She doesn’t work and never really has over the years, but he works really really hard long days. She has always bragged to anyone that was listening that she doesn’t have to work and that my dad says that she doesn’t have to. Not totally true, but all the time she was looking after the house and family my dad overlooked it. But now my dad has to clean the house now as well as work, when she just sits watching TV all day, drinking herself into a stupor.
I went and saw her a few days ago and she was very calm. She was saying that she knows that she has to go, they’ve not been happy for years and basically all the things I would expect from a rational person. She was sad but seemed quite resigned to the fact it was happening. She tried to pull at my heart strings a few times by trying to appeal to my sentimental side, but to be honest I’m not that kind of person. I can empathise with her but I don’t really sympathise with her. She’s done too much over the years to make me feel that emotion towards her because as much as I love her she has been so very damaging to all of our lives.
Then I saw my dad the next day and he told me the truth. She’s making his life a living hell at the moment, drinking and raging and making unreasonable demands. She’s winding him up, pushing and poking at his emotions and he’s having trouble ignoring her like he would normally. He feels like he’s depressed and having a breakdown. He’s crying at the drop of a hat and is not sleeping. He’s worried about money and if he’ll be able to raise the kind of money she’s demanding. He’s self employed so there will be a limit to how much he’ll be able to remortgage the house for.
I think that they’ll have to end up selling the house because of her greedy demands, then neither of them will have the house. She wants an unreasonable amount of money in order to leave. I have tried to explain to her that she won’t last long on the amount once you take into account rent, bills, food, drink (as she’s been used to drinking 3 litres of vodka a week), cigarettes etc. She has no income and as she hasn’t worked in 30+ years its unlikely that she’ll
1; want to work
2; get a job with no employment history
3; get a job that will pay enough to support herself
4; hold a job for very long because of her drinking and general poor health
Its all very ironic considering how she has always encouraged my sister and I to be independent and hardworking. I know that if either of us were to split from our husbands tomorrow, we’d be fine.